It always makes me laugh when I see memes like this. It makes me wonder if the person is even married. A single friend of mine posted this on Facebook and I couldn’t hold my tongue. “Ha! Who wrote that crock?!” Diplomacy is not my strong suit.

Many people, especially Christians, believe that as long as they marry someone they love deeply – someone God chose for them – their marriage will be as smooth as a waxed corvette.  If that’s your story, congratulations – you are perfect! For the rest of us, two becoming one is a clash.  It’s like two pieces of metal hitting up against each other – and iron sharpening iron hurts when you’re the iron!

Rick Joyner says that God designed marriage to kill you. It’s true. The bible says in Romans 8:13 that if you live according to human nature you will die, but if by the Spirit you continuously put to death the deeds of the flesh, you will live. Galatians 5:19-21 lists these deeds of the flesh as envy, strife, jealousy, selfishness, immorality, and wrath – just to name a few.  Marriage is meant to aid you in putting those deeds of the flesh to death.

That’s right, my dears.  Our spouses are specifically formulated to bring out the worst in us – because we rarely see our own ugly. A marriage partner works as a mirror to show you what you’re made of.  It’s not meant to condemn you, but lovingly convict you so you can get cleaned up by the Holy Spirit.  Once the darkness in us comes to light, it becomes our choice to die to it or justify ourselves. It’s also our spouse’s choice to show grace, or be appalled by our imperfections.

If only couples understood this and submitted to the process, many divorces and heartaches would be avoided.  We ourselves did not realize this truth until at least 3 years into our marriage. Those first few years were a migraine – but that’s another story for another day.  Coming up on 10 years this September I can honestly say that my marriage is pretty blissful, because we choose to die daily.

Don’t believe the hype that every single day of a great marriage looks like a happy social media post.  It doesn’t, and it’s not supposed to.  How shallow would that be?  Marriage is amazing, and it can indeed be a fairy tale – but only if your version of a fairy tale includes happiness AND headaches.  The more you submit to the process, the stronger your marriage will be.  Make the choice to die to your ugly and love your spouse as it surfaces in them.  That, my friends, will forge a love that can withstand anything.

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